Fear and Longing

I've been doing a lot of reflecting and soul searching about relationships lately. (as you can probably tell if you read my blog post "The Funk Trigger.")

To me, relationships offer the same longing+fear response as SCUBA diving. I know there are treasures beyond my imagination below the surface. But there are also scary things! More often, I choose avoidance over taking the plunge.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck in a holding pattern on the surface.

There's no measuring the emptiness I feel when the boat full of adventurers leaves me waving from the dock... or the envy I feel when they return, full of joy and inadequate attempts to describe what they experienced.

There are so many things I haven't mastered — in SCUBA diving and in relationships: how to achieve neutral buoyancy, how to navigate through murky water, how to trust my dive buddy to keep me safe. But how can I possibly learn these things if I stay on the shore? And how can I possibly experience life in abundance if I keep people at arm's length?