I often talk about my struggle with fear… the fear of reaching out, the fear of rejection, the fear of failure. But when I analyze this further, I realize it’s probably not a fear of failure. I’ve failed plenty of times. It’s not that hard. Really. What’s to be afraid of?
I think that maybe my “fear of failure” is actually a fear of success… a fear of commitment. Could it be that I’m afraid that if I step out for God, God will turn it into something really big? And …what if I don’t want to commit to that?
Or perhaps it isn’t fear at all. Perhaps it is pride or ego. If I don’t take a risk, I don’t have to answer to anyone for my mistakes. If I don’t put myself out there as a disciple of Christ who walks in power and love, I won’t have to deal with any “messy stuff,” and everyone will still like me because I don’t step on their toes or question their worldview.
I think I’ve been hiding in the belly of a fish all my life. Jonah’s three days have got nothin’ on me!!
I want to see God’s glory and grace manifest in my life, but I don’t want anyone to have a bad opinion of me… as if I could control opinions! And as if it were even ABOUT me! Ha! It’s about Ninevah… the city that couldn’t be saved, but was. It’s about a great big move of God.
Jesus says, “Go!” We have a universe to bring His goodness to. The harvest is great. The fields are full. Jesus also says, “Lo!” He is always with us!
Conclusion: Crawl out of the fish belly and leave the real fish food (fear…pride… laziness… ego) behind. And Lo! Jesus is your traveling companion and tour guide. He’ll show you things that are WAY more amazing and beautiful than the inside of a fish.
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