I was sitting with two prayer ministers, Elaine and Rick, at a spiritual retreat. We were talking quietly, as were several groups of people all around us in the hotel meeting room.
“If you could draw a picture of your fear, what would it look like?” Elaine asked.
“It’s like a wall that separates me from other people,” I told her, “A thick concrete brick wall.”
“Well, let’s pray about that. Jackie, I want you to visualize yourself standing in front of that wall, and at the same time, invite Jesus to come to that place with you. Rick and I will be praying silently as you do this.”
I visualized a concrete block wall. It was gray and cold, about 10 feet tall. It stretched infinitely to my right and left. There were people on the other side of the wall, scattered throughout the landscape beyond the horizon. They seemed friendly and outgoing, but they all had needs. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was supposed to be on the other side, ministering to them. And I also knew in my rational mind that they would not reject me. But there I stood, alone on the other side of a never-ending wall, feeling unable to move.
Jesus appeared several feet away, to my right side. He gazed lovingly at me. He was smiling. He seemed so relaxed, and he was intently focused on me.
I didn’t have to tell Jesus about this wall of fear, because he knew exactly what it was -- that same irrational fear that has held me back from having close relationships all of my life. It’s a feeling that no one values me, and that I have nothing to offer. It’s the biggest thing standing between me and the desires of my heart. I knew that God had called me to step out of my comfort zone, but I was frozen by this barrier of fear.
So, you get the picture. I was creating a visual in my mind of Jesus, who has come to conquer my fears for me. You would think I would be in control of this vision, but apparently, I was not! I expected to see an action movie scene. I mean, Jesus is all powerful, right?! So I expected to see Jesus making the wall explode in a huge burst of fire! Or maybe a great big hammer, or at least a few intense karate moves. Go ahead and picture Karate Jesus. I’ll wait.
But that’s not what he did at all.
No, the Lord of Hosts, the ruler of the universe, the great I Am, walked up to the wall and touched it with his finger. And it disappeared.
“Wow! That was cool!” I smiled and told Elaine and Rick what Jesus just did, and how surprising it was. Then we continued in silent prayer to see how the scene would play out.
What I saw next was so endearing, it continues to delight me even now. I can’t help but see Jesus in this way whenever I turn to him for help. Again, it wasn’t anything like I expected.
Now that the wall was gone, and I could see all the people on the other side, I saw Jesus standing among them, but I still felt frozen with fear. Here’s what I thought would happen next: Jesus would boldly walk across the invisible boundary where the wall used to be, take my hand, and walk me across ….or maybe even pick me up in his arms and carry me across… and introduce me to everyone.
But no.
Jesus surprised me yet again. He stayed where he was, and began to slap his knee and call to me, much like I call my dog, Chopper, when I want him to come to me: “COME on! Chum ‘ere!” in a playful, inviting voice.
Go ahead. Picture Jesus doing this, and try not to smile. Now, just wait … Imagine what Jesus does next:
Jesus began to dance. J No, really! He started moving his body lithely in place, like he was feeling the beat. He was smiling at me. He even winked and snapped his fingers. Jesus was playful!
You know, all of those 365 times that we’re told in the Bible to “Fear not!”? For some reason, I had never pictured anything like this: Jesus—too cool for words—dancing and calling me to come and join him. But we are created in his likeness, aren’t we? And isn’t this how we behave sometimes? Silly and fun-loving, without a care? This is how we act when fear is the last thing on our minds.
This prayer experience with Jesus took place several years ago. For a few years before that, I had felt a longing to pray extemporaneously with others. I know God put that desire in my heart, to prepare me for the next calling, which was healing ministry, and eventually for this “musicianary” ministry.
Until then, I had never prayed aloud even in a small group unless I was reciting the Lord’s Prayer or reading a prayer or psalm out of a book. And I had certainly never prayed in an intimate way with one or two other people. I just wasn’t raised to pray that way. Spiritual matters were pushed down into the deepest, darkest folds of my heart. They were precious experiences, but I was taught that they were extremely personal and shouldn’t be talked about or shared. So the desires of my heart, and my comfort level were at odds with one another. A stronghold had been formed.
When I look back on the time when God first put that desire in my heart, and look at myself today, I am amazed at how far God has brought me. I still have a long way to go in defeating some of the strongholds that try to hold me back from His purpose for me, but, like the Israelites, I am ever prompted to remember how far God has brought me, and all He has done for me.
And I continue to glean wisdom from that time I invited Jesus to break the wall of fear down. The more I learn about who I am in Christ, the more significance this vision has. As a true child of God, I have authority and dominion against Satan on this earth, which means I have work to do. Sitting in my room praying for God to do it for me does not fulfill that commission. He requires that we “step out,” that we “go into the world” to set people free by reconciling them to God. And Jesus told us that he will be with us always. That picture of him touching the wall and making it disappear is a reminder of just how powerful he is… even in me.
The fact is, we truly have nothing to be afraid of. Fear is an illusion. It is silliness, especially “fear of rejection.” God has accepted me into his family. What is rejection by man to me? If I allow that type of fear to hold me back, I’m missing out on some glory! I’m even missing out on some fun if I don’t take the first step over to HIS side, which is very much within my grasp... because the Kingdom of God is at hand! And the wall that separates that kingdom from me? It isn’t even there.
Just as Jesus was not going to come across the boundary and pull me to the other side, he requires that we take our own steps into our calling. We were given free will; and the Holy Spirit is a gentleman. He will not force anything on us. Besides, how fulfilling could that possibly be… to be forced to do something? He knows what it feels like to overcome the enemy. And he wants us to feel that same joy in victory.
It’s so joyous, it makes Jesus dance!
So, the next time you sing that childhood tune “Yes, Jesus Loves Me,” change the words to “Yes, Jesus dances!” It’s a dance of love and tenderness that has been going on since the beginning of time, and you are invited. So put on your dancing shoes. It’s glorious!
Comments