It was O'Dark Thirty in the morning. I was driving from Fort Worth to Houston for yet another round of tests and oncology visit. Listening to an audio book always makes the four-hour drive go by faster. I was in the zone. Just driving, following my usual route.
About six miles after the split from State Highway 287 to I-20 heading east, I began to notice that the landscape wasn't familiar. I should have been in Grand Prairie by now, but I hadn't seen a sign for it. Actually, it seemed like I should have been through Dallas already, and approaching I-45 south.
Finally I saw a sign for McCart Ave.
Well that's odd, I thought. There's a McCart Avenue in southwest Fort Worth. Isn't it interesting that they also have a McCart Avenue in Grand Prairie, on the southeast side of Fort Worth, off the same Interstate? Hmmmm.
I continued to listen to my audio book. Then I saw an exit for S. Hulen St.
Well, I'll be darned. They not only have a McCart Avenue east of Fort Worth, they also have a S. Hulen St. That's amazing.
Oh wait.
Reality came crashing in. I'd been driving along for about 8 or 10 miles with the absolute certainty that I was heading east, but I'd actually been heading west! I couldn't wrap my brain around it! It took me a few minutes to get my bearing. The sun was starting to come up, and it was behind me, not in front of me. I was not only still in Fort Worth, but I was heading the completely opposite direction of my destination!
There is nothing like the feeling that your reality isn't real. It's a shock to your system' like Neo must have felt when he woke up on a slab and realized he wasn't in Kansas anymore. No wait. That was Dorothy. Neo was the Matrix guy. See what I mean?
A Paradigm Problem
The fact is, I was driving exactly as I should have been driving' at the correct speed limit, following the signs. I was on the right side of the road. I wasn't driving against traffic. My reality was perfectly normal. Except I was in the wrong place.
If I didn't turn around soon, I'd be driving from Fort Worth to Houston by way of Abilene.
This is what's called a paradigm problem: Following directions perfectly while looking at the wrong map. That's what I did for quite a while during my cancer journey, which you may have read about in my 3-part series, Melanoma U. Believing that I was in the 'right mindset,' I had taken on an identity that God never intended for me to have. When I woke up from the death-filled wrong reality, my course changed direction, and I have not looked back.
What I mean by 'my course' is my mindset' my belief' my way of thinking. It was a true
repentance.
What Does "Repent" Really Mean?
When we see the word 'repent,' from the Latin word for 'penance,' it's no wonder we get confused about its meaning, conjuring up a vision of a rotten sinner trying to pay for his sins so he can be allowed into heaven, as if he were paying for an indulgence!
But that scenario would certainly not line up with the message of grace! We can't, of our own accord, clean up our act. Only Christ can achieve that.
No, the Greek word translated as 'repent' in the New Testament, 'metanoia,' means nothing like that. Metanoia is from metanous: meta meaning 'change' (or literally 'after,') and nous, meaning 'mind.' Francios Du Toit goes so far as to say that it means to be of one mind, to co-know with God, since changing your thinking to match God's thinking would result in co-knowing.
I also often hear repentance defined as 'turning around' or 'reversing course.' Maybe this is because metanoia is an action, not a thought/feeling' so the best way to describe a change of thought as an action is by showing the outcome of the change of thought. That might be how we've gotten off track, thinking that repenting means 'changing your ways.'
On a side note: Isn't language fun?
But anyway.
Where was I going with this? Pardon me while I get back on the road and head east. Ah, yes, I was stating that my change of mindset about 'my mission in life' as a cancer patient was a 'true repentance.'
See, I had been following all the rules of the road, just like when I was heading west on I-20. I loved God and wanted to 'do the right thing' by suffering and dying.
Then I realized that my mindset was wrong. Even though I wanted to 'do the right thing,' my thoughts were not lined up with His thoughts. I didn't have the same perspective on things that God did. I didn't see myself as he saw me.
And before you say 'For who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?'(Isaiah 40:13)... I will rebut with 'But we have the mind of Christ.' (1 Cor 2:16).
And before you say 'Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.' (Is 64:4)... I will quote Paul again: 'But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit' (1 Cor 2:10).
Some of my favorite Pauline quotes come right after the word 'but.' 📷
The mindset that His ways are not our ways is an Old Covenant way of thinking that people fall into when they can't figure out what's going on in their life. They'll even tout it as 'having faith,' kind of like my wrong-thinking about the role of cancer in my life. But we aren't Job! We are New Creations!
Is your paradigm beginning to shift — a little bit?
Isn't it true that as new creations, we have the mind of Christ and the ability to walk as he walked? We have the ability to see things as God sees them, because His spirit dwells in us! Sure, we can mess up sometimes and listen to our own selfish desires, believing that they're God's desires, and perhaps be led astray by them, all the while thinking we're 'being good' by heading west.
BUT' when we realize we're going the wrong direction, and say 'Doh! What was I thinking?!' 'THAT is repentance! Then, after we turn around on I-20, it's not that hard to stay on the road. Just keep following the signs.
But how do we have more "Doh!" moments?
Proverbs tells us: 'As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.' In order to align our thoughts with God's thoughts, we need to constantly metanoize' which really means 'renewing our minds.' But that's kinda hard to do if we only spend 5 or even 30 minutes a day 'with God' (when in reality He is always with us!)
When Paul says to pray without ceasing, he means to constantly be in awareness of our creator. How else can we renew our minds to think the way He thinks' about us, and about others? The more we renew our minds, the more we grow up into Christ.
This requires constant realignments of our way of thinking. In fact, we need this so much, we should make up a new word: metanoize! If we only talk/listen to God every once in a while, there's not much opportunity for understanding his message to us, right? It's like trying to learn physics by chatting about it daily ' five minutes at a time.
And I think the biggest key to being able to constantly metanoize is to always be aware of the possibility that we might be off course'. That something we have believed all our lives about ourselves or others, about 'how things are,' about something we were taught by our most beloved Sunday School teacher, or even about the very nature of God' could be wrong.
Always be open to making a U-turn... or clicking your heels together, Dorothy.
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