It's almost Lent. I've picked up the book "A Season for the Spirit" by Martin Smith, in hopes that I will read every word of it and absorb it in a meaningful way. I've read parts of it before. The underlinings and notes stop abruptly one week into the 40 days.
This book is so rich.... it can't be read lightly. If I didn't have the mental constitution to tackle a chapter and truly dwell in the lines, I didn't pick it up. So the bookmark has been frozen in place for several years.
This morning, I read the first chapter aloud and found myself weeping at the sentence: "...Not the surrender of submission to an enemy, but the opposite, the laying down of resistance to the One who loves me infinitely more than I can guess, the One who is more on my side than I am myself."
I wept because of the love God has for me, and the realization that I cannot love myself as He loves me, and yet I am asked to love my neighbor as I love myself... which is not enough! So first I have to learn to love myself, which requires submitting fully to God's love. And it's overwhelming.
So this is how I will look forward to a Holy Lent... knowing that I am submitting to a love beyond measure... laying myself open to receive such love, and wondering if I can bear it.
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